Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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