I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
