since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
