I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
