Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
