Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
