Non-Jews are for practice
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
