I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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