I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
