im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
im on a boat
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