she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
