I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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