isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
