I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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