Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
