i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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