i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i'm inner monologue high
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
