the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize