Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
