Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish i was in the wii world.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
