It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
