Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
