i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
