I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
