Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
