i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize