I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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