This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
