U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You ruined the universe
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
