what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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