I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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