If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
