i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
