6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
