I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
