ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is my gift to your gina
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
