a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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