OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
