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dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
