you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
