Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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