There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My balls are so social today.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
