Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
