ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
