can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
