Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
