so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
