he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
