we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
