My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
