i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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