Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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