I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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