Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
