i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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