just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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