like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
