I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
