No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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