Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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