can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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