Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize