I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
