I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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