But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
