I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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