I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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