I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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