my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
