Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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